fashion =/= style

So, I've been around for a while. I have access to the internet. I've seen all kinds of fashion trends, past and present, that I thought were silly. Crocs were ugly, but fortunately those became associated with ugly stupid people and NO ONE liked them. Capri pants and cropped-length pants don't look good on anybody, especially not short people--unless you are very tall and slender and have really long legs, you are not going to look good in capri pants. Huge baggy clothes with pleats in strategically chosen places make everyone look wider and dumpier than they really are. Pajama pants should not be worn in public.

You get the picture. Some fashions are just stupid, okay?

But I've never actually really actively despised a fashion trend before. That is, until recently.

We already know how I feel about sandals, yeah? I fucking hate them. No one should wear them. But of the sandals I don't like, the new fashion sandals are especially hideous. You know the ones. Gladiator sandals. They have lines and straps arranged in a way that flatters approximately no one. Criss-crossing along the sides, a big decorative strip on the top of the foot. They have ankle straps that cut off the leg at a very awkward and unappealing place that makes the leg look shorter. The zillion straps, the awkward solid cutoff, the ubiquitous big clunky central line that serves no purpose and is always ugly. They're terrible. No one should be wearing these. I never imagined I would see a shoe that managed to simultaneously incorporate a fuckton of material, yet have such inadequate coverage. Sandals are shit anyway, but these particular sandals are the worst.

I can look at trends I don't like and go, 'Well you look really stupid like that, but you'll eventually figure that out in the next ten years or so once that shit is out of style.' Gladiator sandals, however, are something I just actively hate. Not even gladiators look good in those fucking things. They're definitely too severe and too awkwardly constructed to look good on anybody.

Go get yourselves something that doesn't cut you off at the ankle.

And while you're at it, get rid of every pair of sandals you have. You can keep one or two pairs of cheap flip-flops but you're only ever allowed to wear them to a beach or pool.

I really feel weird, I work at Old Navy, famous for its cheap plentiful flip-flops, but I fucking despise flip-flops. They should be illegal. All sandals should be illegal.