I'm supposed to know this, aren't I?

I always feel like something of a failure as a person because I am a grown woman but have no idea what it is my dad does for a living.

I've mentioned it before and I do kinda sorta know what he does. He's a computer programmer/engineer and whatever it is he does with those computers occasionally entails being hired by governments and defense contractors and shit like that. But I really don't know any specifics at all.

This has always been the case. My parents both worked for Grumman Aerospace (in the 80s and early 90s and before it became Northrop Grumman), and I'm vaguely aware that they had a hand in some parts of the space program and the actual technology itself, but beyond that I have no details. And the reason I don't have these details is because for as long as I can remember, my dad's job has been one that he is not legally permitted to discuss outside of work.

I'm not joking here. I have never once been to any of the places my dad worked because he's always worked in the kind of places where unauthorized personnel will be arrested on the spot.

Actually, this is one of the few things in my life I have been able to identify as being extremely weird without anyone having to tell me how weird it is. There's a lot of shit that featured regularly in my reality that was always unremarkable to me--because it's part of my everyday life--that I later only found out were unusual when I casually mentioned them in conversation and everyone within earshot stopped to stare at me like I was completely fucking deranged. In this case I was aware that my situation was unusual, probably in large part because it sounded ridiculous to me as well.

Since it's just a facet of my reality, I tend not to think about it very much but every now and then I'll realize just how bizarre it sounds when I can't offer anything but a vague half-answer to the question, "What does your dad do?"

I have no idea what he does, and if I ever found out the CIA would shoot me.