Freeze Frame

Okay, so I know WHY bathroom-mirror-self-portraits have become a staple on the internet. I don't like them, but I know why they exist. Not everybody knows their digital camera has a self-timer feature, or even has a digital camera at all--some smartphones have a self-timer in their camera mode but not everyone knows that, either. (Plus phones won't stand up on their own like a camera will.) So a phone picture is usually the best most people can do on their own. Unless you take it at arm's length, for this you need a mirror, and the only place a lot of people have a mirror big enough is the bathroom.

So I get why people feel like this is their best option, because lord knows they probably haven't got enough pictures on Facebook yet, amirite?

But what I don't get is the circumstances under which all these cell phone bathroom mirror photos seem to have been taken under. You probably can't escape having your toilet in the frame, but is it really that hard to remember to flush? Or, I dunno, put the lid down? Everyone poops, but it makes us kind of uncomfortable when we find ourselves confronted with inadvertent proof of this. I don't care how hot you think you look all carefully posed and primped with your best duckface and come-hither expression--the presence of your gastrointestinal waste in the background puts your sex appeal well into the negative numbers.

Of course, that one could always prove to be an accident--maybe you share a bathroom with a roommate or sibling or someone, and you just didn't realize they'd forgotten to flush? It happens. We're only human, after all.

You can't claim 'ACCIDENTAL!!' when you take one of these lovely mirror portraits while someone is clearly visible in the background having a shit. Sometimes it's a small child, sometimes it's a friend, sometimes it's a significant other. But the fact that someone is there on the toilet in the first place is so full of 'WTF' that there aren't enough syllables in 'WTF' adequate to express just how mystified I am at anyone who posts such a picture to Facebook. Everyone poops. I get it. Everyone usually gets a colonoscopy, too, but that doesn't mean anyone else wants to see pictures of it on the internet.

All of this pales in comparison to those few remarkable souls who take pictures in their bathroom mirrors of themselves on the toilet. And not just sitting on the toilet seat, either, but planted on the throne with their pants around their ankles throwing a double-whammy of duckface and a peace sign or gang sign to the camera. Why would you do this?? What were you thinking?? Even if you were a nudist I can't think of any reasonable explanation for posting pictures of yourself taking a shit on Facebook. Just... TMI.

Maybe I just don't get the younger generation. Maybe all the cool kids are doing it. Maybe they don't find it taboo in the same way my generation doesn't find premarital sex or same-sex relationships taboo. Maybe it's the next frontier of  equality.

Or maybe kids today are just fucking stupid.

Personally, I say it's that last one but I could be wrong. I'd say more but it's time for me to go and soak my teeth.