First you have to know this: I work at an Old Navy store that occasionally has promotions for which employees are required to wear company-supplied t-shirts with silly stupid slogans on them. (The one I have from Giftmas is acid green and says 'Holiday Helper' on it--I don't intend to get rid of it or anything but I;ll be damned if I ever wear it in public again.) The store is having a huge jeans sale at the moment so we all have new t-shirts that say 'Find Your Perfect Fit!' on them. ON actually makes a lot of different styles and cuts for different body types with differing hip and waist and inseam ratios so short curvy girls like me and the skinny bitches can all find jeans in the same place. The jean styles all have names. Employees also have to wear a big sticker on their backs with the name of the style jean they wear so people can just pick out someone who's shaped like them and go, "HEY WHAT ARE YOU WEARING AND WHERE CAN I GET IT??"
Secondly, you have to know this: I am a shameless flirt. I do it all the time mostly to get an edge or advantage of some kind. Usually it's just me flirting with store clerks in hopes of getting a discount or free stuff and it works surprisingly often. I really am just nauseatingly adorable and read people extremely well to determine what tactic (shy, forward, mysterious, silly, or clever) they'll respond to--so it's pretty easy for me to schmooze my way to free goodies at restaurants or small discounts at stores if I have a good enough rapport with the male staff. I happen to have such a rapport with one of the servers at the bakery across from work where I go on my dinner breaks and before or after work to have a snack and read for a bit.
Today I went in before work, wearing my horrid ugly work t-shirt. My lad was there so I got a free cookie. And then I noticed all the people at the counter giggling at something and I had no idea what it was. I didn't realize what they were giggling at until I got to work and put my coat away.
I still had the style name sticker on my back.
I have enormous thighs and a butt that should have its own zip code so I need jeans cut fuller in the hip and thigh, but smaller in the waist. I also looooove flared jeans even though I know short people aren't supposed to wear them. There is one particular style at the store that suits me best and the name is... apt.
The style is called 'Flirt'.
I was gettin' my allure on with my bakery boy with a dessert-plate-sized sticker on my back with the word 'FLIRT' on it.
Fuck yeah, one more point for the 'My-Life-is-a-Sitcom' category.
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