I don't know why I was even thinking about this but I just realized that my parents never had the 'where babies come from' discussion with me. I vaguely remember asking about the subject around the time my mom was OVER 9000 months pregnant with my brother when I was about three, and she gave me some weird convoluted answer about how babies are flowers in their mommies tummies and some shit, which led to me being extremely nervous for years about what might happen if I accidentally ate one. (This sounds ridiculous but you should also be aware that for many years we lived in a small sheep-farming village in Yorkshire where our yard backed up to a large sheep pasture and livestock were just a part of life--for some reason I got it into my head that I could totally subsist on grass just like sheep did and spent a lot of time eating it. I wish I was making that up. It just goes to prove I have been a complete mental clusterfuck far longer than I've been a drug addict.)
So, yeah, I never really asked after this again and my mom never expressly told me all the awkward details. I did work out for myself where babies come from. Mostly because my mother DID sit me down when I was about eight or nine to give me that supremely awkward talk about 'This is Your Body and Soon it Will Start Changing in Strange, Repulsive, Embarrassing, and Horrifying Ways'. And then she gave me a bunch of books on the subject, on the theory that it would be easier to let a bookworm child read about this shit herself than it would be to try and pretend we had a good relationship.
These books, it bears mentioning, had a lot of detailed drawings of female anatomy. I am embarrassed and slightly amused to report that this served as my first pornographic material and the more I think about this subject the younger I end up being when I realize that Mother Nature was sending me warning signs that I was not on my way to socially acceptable heterosexuality.
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