hot and cold

I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. Almost without exception I think people look much more attractive with their natural hair and eye colours (or something very near to it) than an artificial one that's radically different. Except for Marilyn Monroe, who was a natural brunette and very pretty that way but way hotter with the platinum blonde everybody pictures her having. I just don't find it very attractive when your hair and eyes don't match the rest of you, and I can't help but wonder who the hell you think you're fooling.

At the same time, I dye my hair. And it's a colour quite different from my natural one. Naturally I have ash brown hair in the most boring, generic shade possible. I dye it red--intense, bright, Jessica Rabbit red. It's hardly going from black to blonde, but it's still a pretty big difference. My excuse is that red looks better on me than brown (I have light olive skin and green eyes) and except for when my roots are visible it's hard to tell that it isn't my real colour. Well, that and my eyebrows are black, but to be perfectly fair that doesn't match the brown either. I'd never go blonde or black, since neither would work on me and would look pretty terrible, but the difference is still big enough to make me feel like a total hypocrite.

I also don't think leggings are an acceptable substitute for pants, but sometimes I wear them without anything over them if I forget to do laundry and have run out of actual clothes. Today I did it on purpose even though I had normal pants freshly cleaned and at my disposal.

But I guess if I have to have a few hypocrisies, at least they're completely superficial in nature.

Unrelated: today was one of those weird weather days where it's cold outside but very sunny. So if I stood still outside for any length of time I'd be cold everywhere except for the parts of me facing the sun, which would fairly bake. When that happens you just sort of have to turn yourself over like a pancake so you get evenly uncomfortable on all sides.

Also unrelated: right now I'm being tormented with a completely mystifying (but unbelievably bad) knee pain. No, I didn't take an arrow to the knee (/nerd joke). I didn't hurt my knees at all, at least not that I'm aware of. No falls or incidents of 'that-isn't-supposed-to-bend-that-way'. But not knowing the cause doesn't make it any less painful. It's really indescribably, intolerably bad--sometimes it even makes me nauseous, and the only other pain I've suffered that's done that has been kidney stones. Icing makes it worse, since it kind of feels like the pain you get when it's cold out and your joints seize up and ache, only a million times worse. The only things that bring about the smallest measure of relief are heating pads or tying something tightly around my knees so it compresses the effected area, which still just make it slightly less intolerable. Actually, pressure makes my knees hurt a little less--hence the tying--but weirdly, being on my feet is less blindingly painful than sitting or laying down. Something about having pressure in my knees makes them feel the tiniest bit better.

Nothing else helps in the slightest, including my stash of painkillers, but fortunately it's not a constant thing. It just flares up every now and then for no reason. When it does, it's nearly agonizing and lasts days at a time before abruptly vanishing.

I can't think of any explanation and the only reason I know I'm not completely imagining it all is because when it happens my knees swell up, which is the only physical sign anything is wrong. The only possible reason that makes any sense is that my knees can't cope with the stress of carrying the rest of me around since I'm about fifty or so pounds overweight and knee problems are common among people with weight issues. It still doesn't make much sense because I'm on my feet most of the time but not in pain most of the time. It doesn't correspond with an increase of activity on my part. It doesn't correspond with anything. It just likes being mean to me, I guess.