(1 Jan, 2012)
This happened a few days ago but I've managed to successfully block it out of my mind so as to protect my delicate psyche. Now that it's sufficiently far behind me it is less awkward than it is fucking hilarious.
I've still been pretty sick off and on the last few days so one day at work last week consisted of me making a lot of truly impressive Olympic-sprint-calibur mad dashes for the bathroom to throw up every half hour or so. Now, I always have a bit of a weird social phobia about accidentally walking in on people in the bathroom (or them walking in on me--to me it's just as embarrassing and awkward both ways) but I don't recall that either scenario has ever happened to me before.
Until last week!
The door said 'vacant'.
The door lied to me.
There was this very surprised looking 300-odd pound woman sittin' pretty in such a way that I felt like I owed her dinner or something for how much I saw--having a very loud and messy shit.
No amount of 'OHMYGOD I AM SO SORRY!'s will even BEGIN to mitigate the awkwardness inherent in that kind of situation. There are no words in the English language adequate to express the million different horrified, apologetic, embarrassed, and disgusted thoughts that run through your mind more or less all at once.
I did everything I could to avoid her while she was shopping. There was just absolutely no possible way in the world that I could have checked her out or watched her stand in the queue or helped her on the floor after what I'd just seen. When she left the bathroom I actually dove into an empty dressing room like I was trying to get away from a grenade. I couldn't bring myself to go back to the bathrooms for the rest of the day, either, even though the whole thing didn't do much to help my nausea.
The whole thing was basically so horribly, embarrassingly awkward and deeply traumatizing that I saw swallowing my own vomit as a preferable alternative to even the slightest chance that it might repeat itself.
I've still been pretty sick off and on the last few days so one day at work last week consisted of me making a lot of truly impressive Olympic-sprint-calibur mad dashes for the bathroom to throw up every half hour or so. Now, I always have a bit of a weird social phobia about accidentally walking in on people in the bathroom (or them walking in on me--to me it's just as embarrassing and awkward both ways) but I don't recall that either scenario has ever happened to me before.
Until last week!
The door said 'vacant'.
The door lied to me.
There was this very surprised looking 300-odd pound woman sittin' pretty in such a way that I felt like I owed her dinner or something for how much I saw--having a very loud and messy shit.
No amount of 'OHMYGOD I AM SO SORRY!'s will even BEGIN to mitigate the awkwardness inherent in that kind of situation. There are no words in the English language adequate to express the million different horrified, apologetic, embarrassed, and disgusted thoughts that run through your mind more or less all at once.
I did everything I could to avoid her while she was shopping. There was just absolutely no possible way in the world that I could have checked her out or watched her stand in the queue or helped her on the floor after what I'd just seen. When she left the bathroom I actually dove into an empty dressing room like I was trying to get away from a grenade. I couldn't bring myself to go back to the bathrooms for the rest of the day, either, even though the whole thing didn't do much to help my nausea.
The whole thing was basically so horribly, embarrassingly awkward and deeply traumatizing that I saw swallowing my own vomit as a preferable alternative to even the slightest chance that it might repeat itself.
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