Monday, January 9, 2012

Sim-ilar experiences

I was a huge fan of The Sims when the game first came out (holy fuck, was that really more than ten years ago now??) and played the SHIT out of that game and all of its expansions packs until I was well into college. (I became quite skilled, as well. Or at least as skilled as you CAN be.) Even after Sims 2 came out, I sill played the original, mostly because the expansion packs were cheaper now that it was an outdated version. But also because with subsequent releases, my computer was getting older and I'd never had a computer that could actually handle a game that big and complicated--for this reason I never played World of Warcraft or Everquest, either. My old Sims games don't run on my current laptop and I still sort of miss it but I don't have time to play for hours and hours in a virtual real-world when I have an actual real-world that needs chores done and work accomplished and bills paid.

But my mate is a big Sims player and used to bring his laptop to my house, when I still lived there, and let me watch his Sims in 2 and 3 ruin their lives. I always thought the original mis-Sim-ventures were funny but it seems like the developers just deliberately put more and more bizarre options and freak accidents in every new version of the game. I suppose ostensibly to make it more true-to-life but really I'm sure it was for the lulz. Nothing is more lulzy than watching your Sims completely fuck up. (Back in my day the worst thing you could do was lock them in a windowless box without a toilet until they pee'd themselves to death--or drown them in a pool.)

I'm one of those people who thinks video games are awesome spectator sports so I have no problems sitting in the background and watching someone else make all the decisions. My mate made a house for the characters he was writing at the time (he's a novelist) and they behaved the same way in the game as they behaved in the books. It was brilliant. One was very promiscuous and kept having sex with anyone who walked into the house (the pizza guy, the gardener, the maid). She had a baby with some guy--my friend never did find out who--and left it for her more-responsible, straight-edged friend and housemate to raise because every time he TRIED to make her take care of it she would listen to it cry for a few minutes, get frustrated, and then put it on the floor. Which I thought was so funny that I nearly pulled a Sim-accident and pee'd on the sofa.

The one thing that made me laugh so hard I drooled in my lap was when Promiscuous Sim broke the dishwasher and had to call the repairman for it. While that was going on my friend was busy with the other Sim; when he turned his attention back he discovered that Promiscuous Sim had seduced the repair guy, had sex with him, and gotten pregnant. When he left the dishwasher was still broken (doesn't matter, had sex) so the Sim tried to repair it herself. It exploded. She was completely covered in soot, her clothes burned off or blown away, and her hair charred and standing straight up on end.

Naturally she went over to a mirror--singed and messied--and check herself out like she was hot shit.

Then sat down, in the same condition, to have cybersex on her computer.

It was glorious.

On that note, I found this Tumblr because, even though I can no longer play the game myself, I still enjoy hearing and seeing other people's mis-Sim-ventures. I'm not acquainted with the new features of the games but I still understand all the memes and it still all gives me something great to laugh at.

I adore the Sims. It's like a very convenient and harmless outlet for your really poor decisions and bad judgment. Have sex with strangers, ruin your career, put the baby on the floor in the toilet while you set the kitchen on fire before trying to have sex with the Grim Reaper when he comes to take the soul of your roommate--and then with all of that out of your system, log off your computer and like a comparatively normal life with all that shit out of your system.

I wonder if therapists recommend this?

Anyway, go check it out: SIM MEMES TUMBLR.

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